LOVE IN A CONSOL BOTTLE

Your reflection captures the complexity of emotions when love is entangled with fear, insecurity, and unspoken desires. It seems to explore the tension between the longing for connection and the hesitation to express vulnerability, especially when the person you care about seems distant or struggling with their own insecurities. The idea that everything is a mirror of what you hold within your soul adds a layer of introspection — perhaps you see your own fears, desires, and emotional struggles reflected in the person you're drawn to, and that creates a silent, unspoken tension. When someone is emotionally detached or guarded, it can feel like the love you share is either one-sided or hidden beneath layers of pride, fear, or self-doubt. The question of whether the person is not into you or simply embarrassed adds another layer of uncertainty, creating confusion about what is truly being felt. And yet, the heart keeps yearning for connection, even if it feels like it's trapped in...

My Book is Finished! It's official—I did it! After months of hard work, dedication, and a lot of cups of coffee, my book is finished! It's hard to believe that the last page is finally written, the words are all polished, and the manuscript is ready to be shared with the world. It's an incredible feeling, but also one that comes with a mix of emotions. When I first started writing, the journey felt almost insurmountable. There were days when the words didn't flow when I wondered if the story I had in my mind could ever make it to paper in a way that felt right. But here I am, holding the finished product—or rather, staring at my screen, knowing that it's done . And that is something worth celebrating! Writing a book is no small feat. It’s a process that involves so much more than just typing words. There were plenty of moments of doubt. There were days when I felt like I would never finish or that the plot didn’t make sense. But then, there were moments of pure magi...

 A Lesson in Baking (and Why Being Lazy Costs Money) As someone who loves to bake, I thought I’d indulge in a little treat today—nothing too fancy, just some coconut mini tarts from a local baker/hairdresser. I’m all for supporting small businesses, but I have to admit, I was devastated by the result. I’m a fussy baker and an even fussier eater. If something looks dry, chances are it probably is. When the mini tarts arrived, I took one bite and immediately knew they didn’t live up to expectations. Bland, dry, and lacking any real flavor, I couldn’t help but feel disappointed, especially after paying top dollar for them. It wasn’t just about the money—it was about the craving for something delicious that went completely unmet. So, I decided to fire up my oven and bake something myself. There’s nothing like the satisfaction of creating something with your own hands, especially when it’s something as comforting as coconut and jam tarts. I’ll be honest, they weren’t as perfect as my g...

Five Years of Magic, Mayhem, and Love I used to believe in fairy tales and happy endings. I believed in bubbles, rainbows, starry nights, and campfires. I lived in a safe space where I refused to acknowledge the ugly, cruel world around me. My fairies wouldn’t allow me to. But then, out of the blue, maybe Heaven-sent, came this awesome creature who quickly became my best friend—my "babe." Maybe he's a little crazy, a bit topsy-turvy, and undeniably wild, but he chose to marry me, and our journey together has been sprinkled with equal parts magic and hurricane. There is no one else I would rather spend my life with than this incredible man who understands me, is polite, and is nothing but honest. He makes my day, every single day. Walking down the aisle was the easy part. The real adventure began when we said "I do," and that's when the deepest parts of our hearts came alive. Who gets to marry their best friend and then tell the tale? I do. He makes me believ...

The Vet, The Charmer, and Lana Banana This morning, I dropped off my beloved Lana at the vet with my husband, and while we were rushing out the door, I couldn’t help but notice how much rapport the head vet seemed to build with me. Maybe it’s just his way of doing things, or perhaps it was the fact that we paid the bill in full, but there was something rather charming about this gentleman. He had a polite, almost suave way about him, and his humor definitely caught me off guard. It was one of those moments where you think, wow, this guy knows how to make you feel at ease . I handed Lana over into his capable hands, feeling confident she’d be well cared for, and off we went. But when I returned to pick up Lana, I found myself crossing paths with him again. There he was, just as polite, just as funny—his demeanor unchanged. He greeted me with a smile that I could practically hear through his mask, and he had this gentle way of making me feel like I mattered, even in a brief exchange. I...

Lana's Big Day: A Reflection of Love, Strength, and Change Today, Lana is off to the vet for a procedure that is said to change her life. And if I’m being honest, it’s making me a little nervous. She can’t eat, and she’s been nagging at the bowl, asking for just a few pellets, and it’s hard to pretend I don’t see her. She can’t even have water, but thankfully, the weather is kind to us today—not too hot. I’m not at the point of pulling my hair out yet, but she’s getting restless, and I think it’s our energy she’s picking up on. We’re more nervous than she is, and she feels it. Lana came into my life when I desperately needed a saving grace. She’s been my strength, and at times, my weakness, over the past months. I remember the day we found her—a dusty little ball of fur, covered in fleas, skinny, and scared. She was a mess. But after a bath, she gobbled up food in two minutes flat, and slowly, my little Lana started to grow stronger. She gained weight, climbed our stairs like a cha...

The Simple Pleasures of a Busy Day with Lana Fitting everything into a single day can be exhausting. From cooking to the gym, studying, taking care of Lana, and getting to work—it all adds up. But one thing is for sure: once I’m awake at dawn, with Lana gently nudging me to stop sleeping and start playing, I know I have time to make it all work. There’s something about those early mornings that set the tone for my day, even if my nights are just as tiring. At least I get the sleep I need. What gets to me most days, though, is leaving Lana alone while I head to work. She waits for my husband to come home from his shift, and it always tugs at my heart. She’s so good about it—mostly sleeping and catching a little TV before he arrives. I try to leave some noise in the house so she doesn’t feel too alone. It’s the little things that matter. These days, I find that my priorities are shifting to accommodate her more. I need to find a balance between doing the things I love and spending time w...

The Power of Vision Boards and Manifesting Your Desires I recently created a vision board, and much to my surprise, it turned out to be quite different from any others I’ve created before. For some strange reason, I felt compelled to keep adding more and more to it, and now, I’m about to create another big one soon. What inspired me this time was the art of seeing and bringing my desires to life. I remember when I first created my vision board years ago. It was amazing how many things started to manifest in my life—things I had written down, dreamed about, and truly believed in. To this day, I’m still creating great things from that first board, and it feels just as powerful now as it did back then. Even though time has passed—let’s say 10 years—I still believe in the power of vision boards and continue to use them because I trust in the outcome of manifesting my desires. I recall putting the exact color and model of a car I wanted on that first vision board. Exactly a year later, I dr...

 Christmas in my kitchen is about icing sugar, butter and flour. This time of year I begin to prepare for the Christmas bake. Back when David was still living with me, we made it a tradition to bake cookies and it never really got to Christmas but surely was tasty. This year we are going to try a little different since it's been a few years and the tradition died with my late husband. I will be replacing the white sugar with Xylitol. It is going to be delicious. I choose to use chocolate chips and cranberries and maybe buy a Christmas tree cookie cutter for the special time of the year. Even if we as Buddhist don't partake in this, I know Romany creams, with a fresh hint of coconut will bring the festive season alive. Minty biscuits and the smell of cardamom tea and a biscuit. This year I want to make butter biscuits smothered in icing sugar, the diabetic friendly kind. It is time for a new tradition and a reason to feel this season. It has been an exceptionally long year and a...

 The Magic of the Red Dot: A Day of Energy, Peace, and Possibility Today, I wore my red dot—a bindi—on my head, and something remarkable happened. The energy shifted, and it felt like the universe aligned most beautifully. Vibes flowed, and people were unexpectedly friendly. Everyone seemed jokey, lighthearted, and easygoing as if a wave of positivity had descended for the day. The day took an even more delightful turn when I was offered a free brownie to taste, and had the chance for a good, meaningful conversation with a Buddhist I’d never met before. It was the kind of interaction that felt like magic. There was something about the bindi that seemed to open the doors to connection, to flowing energy, and to a little bit of serendipity. As the day went on, everything aligned perfectly. I found myself at peace, taking in the beauty of the sunset and enjoying an ice-cold beer—two simple pleasures that made me realize how good life can really be when we just let it flow. I was remin...

Positive addictions. Do you have a positive addiction? I do. So much. I am addicted to rainy days, sunrise, good books, sunset. Walk on the beach at sunrise or sunset. Travelling. Mini markets, car rides and good healthy food. Meditation and gyming. Addicted to gardening and being with Lana. There is too many to count. I guess the art of being a positive junkie to finer things in life that cost minimal but have lasting memories. I remember living in La Lucia Durban and we had gone to watch the sunrise on the Promenade. It was invigorating being from Gauteng and to watch the waves dance in the cool light peeping through the clouds. It was inspiring and so fulfilling. Not one day goes by that the love of the sea and the imagination of painted sun rays strewn across the sky at 5am passes me by, with the peace and calm it comes with. I believe in the vivid imagination and the manifestation of glorified Sunday mornings and late night star gazing. Nothing better, and what else. Iced coffee a...

 Why is it that when you on the brink of giving up, like the last straw and the last word someone does a 180 and all attention on you. What are they so damn afraid of? Like they take for granted that you are near them or around them and well you will always be around right? And the moment you are lacing up your sneakers and grabbing your keys, so they show up on the 11th hour. It is as if they are waiting for the thrill of the last hour. Like they scream surprise just as you about to turn the corner. Running scared. Looking for every excuse to talk and talk and talk to you just to keep you hanging. And then back the shell they go until the next goodbye. Now maybe you have all these patient flowers blooming in your garden but the rollercoaster ride is too fast and then too slow. Not sure where to grab onto and yet you need a handle for support. Are we incapable of saying how we really feel in fear of? Or in leiu of? What is the most disturbing is that you will only express your ulti...

 Cool morning, seems hot today but I will know later. My days off just flew by. I appreciate Lana for her hunger pangs at 5am. That gives me a chance to settle in the day before work, even if it is on a Saturday! I do believe I am pretty excited to fit into my size 16 jeans. Never thought that after 40 I would be negotiating sizes and health. But here I am. I wanted to show a level of gratitude today for hot water, a roof over our head and transport to work. Sounds silly right? People are in environments stuck in a society with no escape or exit point. Hardly blessed and hustling for food. I should tell you I had a vision of our lives almost 3 years ago. It was a tough road, and no hand outs. People showed up for us when we had nothing. And for that I am grateful for and show love and appreciation. I sip on my douwe egbert with milk and realize some do not even have this privilege. I have been selfish enough to think that this life was demand and receive. But in the depths of my so...

 Back when I was studying reiki I had watched the secret which basically was the art of manifestation. Or the beginning of things we already have in our control. I heard the word that resonated with me over and over again. The universal catalogue. Life is a catalogue and the things you want surely are placed as an order and delivered. I too found that there is more than enough money to circulate and we will always be provided for. Much later Neville Goddard appeared and the 369 method. Much to my delight did I learn to manifest and pursue personal goals of great desire. What I have learned more so is to claim the outcome through detachment. Go to the end result and paste the memory of the wish fulfilled. Then believe you are already in that state. Then let it go and watch the magic unfold. It has happened repeatedly and with so many outcomes with a little negative in between I managed to ride the wave and accept the outcome. It has manifested great ideas and resourceful information...

 At 44 years old I have had some deep conversations with myself this past week. Much to my delight some answers have sneaked up and others took sometime to level my thinking of who I am and where I am going. Basically laying out my worth and adjusting my future endeavors. Setting reasonable goals. Financially we seem to be on the mend knocking out some debt one month at a time. That is a couples goal but personally I wanted to find the magic on the way forward. I woke up realizing I am going to be 45 and 5 years left to 50. I am currently studying Education which has been my life long dream. But what else. Plan for retirement, settle down by buying a house. Finding my worth in the workplace knowing that I can and must do what is rightfully my joy and passion and this is to train, teach and inspire. I find that all these things plus a bucket list has me soaring to plan the 5 years to the big 50. Can I do what is set out for me and fulfill my role in my life? Life has a strange way o...

Lana. My dear Lana pulled the cord outside of the Fibre cable out and wifi was gone. Chewed the range extender cord upstairs into pieces. Left a puddle of happiness there. All the toys, attention and love this girl gets and it is costing me a pretty penny to replace everything. We have to puppy proof everything now as she never was inclined to chew on the cords but things change I gather. She cannot be bored with all the attention and love she receives. We have to work and she has free reign. However time to secure cords and cables. I guess she is not very happy with them in her way and almost curious. Replacing it is not a problem but what if she shocks or gets hurt. I will not forgive myself. She will need to attend puppy school too I guess and finding the time is necessary. The love of this girl got us taking out some cash for things that is not a whole priority but a necessity these days. So is this life of my puppy and me. 

 Such a beautiful word. The love of rain. That is what it means. Genuine love for rain, however, I dislike driving in this weather, I have an insatiable craving to write in the rain. Just much like wanting to go to Seattle. I want to watch the rain fall as I finish my book in a coffee shop. Just like I am now, sitting at my coffee nook and contemplating the rest of my chapters in my head. It is a downpour, but the grass looks greener suddenly, and the smell of washing away the dust and settling the garden. The slow drips on the roof are almost meditative and remind me of my subliminal where calm raindrops seem to ease a situation or elevate a specific request. Even though my mind is preparing for another night shift, something keeps me coming back to talk to you. To find out things about me through you and ever grateful that you get to read my life and days with me. Lightning fills the sky, followed by a big roar of thunder. I remember my grandmother when she taught us about the li...

 How fortunate we are to wake up every day! Some people did not have the chance to smell the sweet rain or the sunshine that followed or see their flowers blossom from Spring to Summer. The cornflakes in the morning, and their dog barking at a little butterfly sitting on the edge of freedom. If she allows him to. I realized that being grateful for the small things tremendously impacts my life. As I sit and watch Lana play from a long nap this afternoon, my husband is eating his toast and is so focused. I realize that he is amazing and so is my puppy, even though I was smacked with muddy paws and well a little bit of slob. It still made the difference of knowing she is alive, and kicking. Literally. To watch a movie with my husband who had time today, to play online games and Zen out with Lana in the middle. What more can I ask for? By grace, I think my grandmother's prayers are still following me and I do believe that to be alive and grateful for every opportunity is worth every mo...

 Update on the Novel. You know the book of the century for me. I have been trying to get it all on my laptop to print it and make it look nice and tight when the manuscript is sent to the publishers. I can't believe I am talking like this after so many years. I am finally going to send my book to the world. I have tweaked it a bit and I got more coming but the content is interesting and different. I read it twice over and think that you will be hooked on the what ifs and the what now of the book. Finally, I have taken the time to make this public, after so many books and writing I feel this is the content many people will be hooked on to. Of course, it's a personal piece, but I am about to share it because it is this real and this good. I can't wait to get it out there. Right now I am sitting on the name of it, which is Beyond Dialect. However, I am considering changing it over time. But I see it in stores, online, and for those who are blind, for them to listen to the stor...

 Pulled some interesting cards for this morning. Procrastination with a Knight of Pentacles. I do believe I asked for the collective, however these cards resonate with us all. The Knight, with money following him is such a good card. It means that he is going places and he is setting his financial trail behind him as a pregmatic legacy. Determination carries this card, however the other deck is Procrastination. The way forward may not go as it should because you are too scared of the outcome and procrastinate to get to the money that follows you, and the energy of success and diligence. What seems to be holding you back from growing and expanding? A person, an object, or just fear of moving forward? This is the time to find your steps to success, without hesitating or procrastinating on the way forward, you know the if's and why's. We all do it, and sometimes so afraid of the outcome, but how would we know the end result if we do not tap into it, or dip our toes in the water. T...

The Intensity of Limerence and the Rollercoaster of Desire There’s something consuming about this feeling—infatuation, deep emotion, and genuine intent all wrapped up in a powerful, almost uncontrollable longing. It's as if every part of me is magnetically pulled towards him, craving that connection, that human interaction —the touch that feels almost out of reach. I’m not talking about the simple, everyday touch, but the kind that awakens something deep inside you, like the memory of a sweet, unique scent that instantly takes you back to moments shared. Does he even know he’s done this to me? Has he even noticed that he stole my heart without even trying? Limerence. That’s what they call it, isn’t it? The infatuated state, the beginning of real love. I’ve never felt anything like this before. Sure, I’ve had crushes, feelings for boys back then, but this? This is something else. Something deep. Something genuine. Yet, it feels unreciprocated, as if this person doesn’t even want me ...

Today I was a popular Princess at work. Running rainbows and eating fruit loops. Not literally of course. This was the challenge I crave, the work load and the drive to push for more and more. I enjoyed it. No drama just pure bliss to fulfill my role. Undeniable that I love this place with all its clowns. Trapeze artists and spell check masters. It is really not a bad place but a more sign that we will overcome obstacles together and enjoy time building a brand we all come to love. May I say that it was a fulfilling work day and I was greatly challenged. I loved the chase and the win. Felt more at peace than I have ever done in a year and felt more inspired than maybe a few months back. We all grow or go but one thing for sure I love being at work for some strange reason. Thinking of my Lana gets the drive home quicker but the power hungry inner CEO wants to play. And I think I am ready for anything and much more rewarding. But for now let me chase those butterflies and rainbows. It wi...

 Seven years ago my entire life changed. It was on this day I watched my life flip upside down and almost inside out. My late husband passed away on his birthday. It was a sad day mostly because you know when we had bigger plans and deeper feelings to admit to. I didn't quite know this would be what fate had in-store, did not even question it. Looking back I can't imagine how seven years flew by. It changed me. Mostly because I knew that life was never ours to judge. That the big guy upstairs had different plans while we trying to convince ourselves that we were in control. Today is a reminder to cherish everyone you love. Time is never enough. I am sure he is resting in peace and flying high. Until we meet again Ryan. Happy heavenly birthday. G xxx

Heatwaves, Diwali Joys, and the Simple Pleasures of Life It’s been a scorcher of a few days—heatwaves in November are never a welcome surprise, especially when you’re glued to the fan both day and night. In fact, I can’t seem to escape the heat, even with my mini desk fan working overtime. I can barely move from my desk, but somehow, Miss Fluffs —aka Lana—has found a way to be all over me, even in this blistering heat. She’s constantly trying to steal my Mexican Chilli Crisps while I’m trying to type my blog. I mean, really? It’s a heatwave, not playtime. But no, Lana insists on making my life a little more chaotic, despite the heat. She’s sprawled out on my keyboard, with her teething tyre in one paw, making my bed her personal jungle gym. I’m doing my best to type faster, but the keyboard is practically sizzling from the heat, and I’m trying to juggle everything at once. I rarely cook heavy meals in summer, so I keep things light and easy. I tend to cook at night when the temperature...

 I am craving a conversation from a specific person. Like I want to hear something and vision the conversation about everything good.I want to hear things that once was an illusion turn solid. Like sweet butterflies, sunflowers and herbal tea. To reach out and share his world as much as I what I want to share mine. The secrets we keep to be almost discreet as though we have a secret life.To talk about fishing and stuffed snoek on a braai with walnut salad. And maybe fresh prawns on an open fire next to a lake. With sunscreen and UV protection of course. Maybe go on an adventure to The Gorge in Graskop and the big swing. Or go scuba diving in the Maldives. To celebrate the love of photography with me and the art of fine cuisine over a whisky. Go catch a movie in the heart of Delhi. Boat sail through Thailand. Pray through Vietnam. Special and unique moments. Or having Beerfest in the heart of Hamburg. Prost! Snowboard in Lesotho or skateboard in San Francisco. This life and good con...

 Ace of Wands and the Wheel of Fortune—what a combination for new beginnings! This indicates change and new beginnings. Please bring on the new beginnings. I think in these economic times, and stressful careers to defend our way of living new beginnings are necessary. We must begin with slow motivational talks, talking that negative out of our auras.  Maybe a little money to get things started, and a good job with nothing more than good people, that don't talk behind your back. I need that so badly. People who will always talk. Today my HR Manager stared at the Bindi (Indian red dot) on my forehead, as if it was supposed to stop a video he was watching.  I was amazed at how judged I was based on the pure vindication of my religion or way of life. New beginnings are needed by like-minded people. That is creative, and that wants to see life in full color. The Ace of Wands is creativity and mind you on this card there is a fire ignited in the third eye, much to wear I wear m...

I am so mad at my Lana Banana. She ate my sunflowers and marigolds in a space of 45 mins of me getting home from work today. Took them out of the Zen garden because my husband left for work and I had that time gap to get home. Maybe she wanted to be Zen today or found a spot where she could take out her anger and frustration on my beautiful sunflowers.  Am I going to stay mad, of course not. I bought that sunflowers for a reason, planted them as a reminder of love and of new beginnings. And here comes the destruction. She probably tossed and bit every last seed that was blossoming in a space of minutes. I guess that says alot about why I planted them. Maybe they had to be uprooted or destroyed. Maybe this kind of love needed an empty seedling 🌱 tray so I could watch the bite marks it would leave behind. Empty with bite marks. That's not all. I walked in to one of my Buddha statue laying one foot less and cracked on the floor. What sign is that? Maybe my spirituality is being opene...