Bittersweet

 Filling a void. Just like a custard pie filling. Today we judged a lady that was clearly uncomfortably overweight. From her chin to her ankles she just looked uncomfortable and it got me thinking. At 144kgs some time back I had emotionally ate myself into diabetes. I looked pregnant and highly uncomfortable. I ate because I tried to fill a void that was missing in my life. Living at the time with a narcissist I contemplated dealing with it through emotional eating. From chocolate bars to the very last morsel on my plate, dished full of carbs and I just kept eating until my clothes barely fit. From the time I woke to the time I slumbered snacking on everything. It was at the lowest point of my life when I realized one day that I could not get off the bed and perspiring profusely, rolled off there and I never looked back. Not that weight at least. I made a point to change. To be more diligent in my choices and my health. To be alive in me and block negative energy and abuse I tolerated for way too long. It was time. Even though diabetes happened and I had to adjust everything I put to my lips, it probably came to save my life. It made me realize that to live is to be healthier and consider my life options. Live or die young. I chose to live. It took me all my might and one more chance at being highly effective within me to muster up the courage and the willpower to be the beautiful me. Irrespective of my surroundings and judgement. The void is at peace because I am happily secure in my current life choices and the journey I now walk. There is no unnecessary stress and at least I am not living with a narcissist. It's a bittersweet combination. I have the tools to overcome that lesson that I packed in a suitcase the day my late husband died. Joyful joyful journey that I am now filled with flowers and sugar free jello. Until we find the void. G xxx 

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